I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
