i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
