They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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