he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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