im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
