If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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