i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
