I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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