So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
