I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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