allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
