Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
