I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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