please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
