I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
