ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
