Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
