So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I need water and some morals
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
