he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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