I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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