Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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