I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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