i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
