I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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