People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
