that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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