just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
