I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have tasted many bathrooms
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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