Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
