Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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