Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
