What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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