you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
