I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
