I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
