There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
