Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
