Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
