To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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