You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
