you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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