Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
