walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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