Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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