so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
