nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
