this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
