Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
