Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
