My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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