he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
