p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
