Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
